


Shattered and scattered

by Zoepkip_Cavern



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Cults, Diary/Journal, Gen, Madness, Mental Health Issues, My First Work in This Fandom, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paranoia, Pilgrims - Freeform, Religion, cults everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-03-25 17:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13839165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoepkip_Cavern/pseuds/Zoepkip_Cavern
Summary: Little snippets written by a strange Argonian. Because everything is fine when it involves Sheogorath...





	1. I think we're happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This is my first work on ao3, I hope everyone likes it. It's also the first time I'm working with a diary format. Oh, well.  
> I appreciate feedback.   
> Feel free to comment on grammar mistakes and/or spelling mistakes.
> 
> Houdoe!  
> Zoepkip~

**14th Second seed 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

My mother said I need to practice writing and reading daily. At first I wrote things like short stories, songs or poems but for some reason I can't find the inspiration anymore.

Now I'm starting a diary, it's easier I think. Mother likes it. She is even helping me write the first few entries. Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Scatterbrain, I'm a Saxhleel or Argonian. My mother is too. I live in the mountains of High Rock somewhere close to the border to Skyrim. Mom said the closest city is Jehanna, wherever that is. It's cold but I'm used to it, I've almost lived here my whole life after all. Our home is named “The vertex of voices” apparently, it's very nice. It's made of several caves that have been carved into the mountain, and it has an exit into a pretty valley. The valley is small but it has many plants and a few animals. It is where we get our food, mostly. We also get food from the a small village at the bottom of our mountain. Oh! And in somewhere deep in the caves is a huge central room that has an opening to the sky. It's also the room where the shrine is. …… Well, my time is up. Mother says dinner is ready. I'll write again tomorrow.

**15th Second seed 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

Mother is still writing with me. She told me to introduce my family.

Okay, well you have me Scatterbrain. My mother is named Runs-up-River.

Then you got Jocyn and Rosayna Razon they are the Breton twins. They're funny, especially when they fight. They fight a lot. I like fighting.

There is also a Redguard named Rusld. He helps me with my fighting practice by giving tips like which part of the blade is the pointy one. I really like swords.

Lazgat Gra-Dulzag is an orc and our smith. She is teaching me how to smith. She says I'm talented. I like making stuff. Stuff like knives and swords.

Tilrilelion is an Altmer. A talented mage. He focuses on Alteration mostly. I like magic but I prefer Conjuration, I like summoning things.

Dra'amha is our lookout? That silent old Khajiit watches our surroundings very carefully. I like sitting next to him when he's on his looking spot. He's very quite and I like his fur, it's soft. That's about it I think. My whole family.

Mother said it's time to sleep. I'll write again tomorrow.

**16th Second seed 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

I'm writing on my own now. I've convinced my mother to let me write myself.

It's hard to write about personal stuff with her next to me. I do like her. She is very nice to me and lets me do what I want all the time. She protects me too, especially when the others are … getting… … unstable.

Anyway she is like the leader of our family. The others sometimes call her “The ritual master”. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it has something to do with the secret thing they do sometimes during the evening. I'm not allowed to join them, they say I'm too young. I do know mom is very religious, so maybe they pray? If they do than why am I not allowed to join them? And beside I think the Lord would get tired of all the praying, I know I would.

Wait…, I never mentioned the Lord did I? The MadGod. That's right! We are all mad. At least I think so. I'm not sure on that part. I'm not sure if I'm blessed. The others say I am and that I shouldn't question it. Question him. But I can't help it sometimes. After all Mother says that I'm as curious as a Khajiit cub. I don't have fur though.

But I've gone on long enough. I'll write again tomorrow.

**17th Second seed 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

So Dra'amha fell off his looking spot today. It was really funny. He fell all the way down in front of the entrance.And before anyone blames me, I'll have you know that he misstepped while he was ranting. He was listing all the things that could go wrong, again.

Jocyn thinks I set him off, so he's angry with me. So I'm angry with him! I don't really care what he thinks. I'm not sure what the others think, after Jocyn yelled at me I went to my room. And now I'm writing this entry…

…

So mother and I talked just now. She said Dra'amha is alright. He broke an arm from the fall but mom fixed him up with some restoration magic. She is good with that. Magic.

Anyway so Dra'amha is alright now. I still think its weird, cats are supposed to always land on there feet right? Well, Besides that nothing really happened today. So, I'll write again tomorrow.

**18th Second seed 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

Jocyn apologized for yelling. Apparently he has gotten a scolding from mother. Ha! It was amusing to see him reluctantly apologize.

Dra'amha has recovered with the help of restoration magic so everything is fine now. He even said that this was one of the things he listed off, and laughed afterwards. We ate lunch together and talked some more. Today was good.

**20th Second seed 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

Oops, I forgot to write yesterday. Well you can't expect me to write everyday now. Anyway yesterday I went outside to “explore” a our surroundings.

Well mostly the valley, again. I kinda know it like the back of my hand.

Unfortunately the valley is is an enclosed space so I can't really go anywhere new. The only way for me to leave is the front entrance but every time I try to sneak out Dra'amha always spots me. I'm not the best at sneaking.

The others don't want me to leave. They say its dangerous. That there are people that disagree with our way of life. That these people will eat me up, spit me out and take away everything that makes me special…. I…….don't understand.Why do they, whoever they are, care so much?…

Oh well. Guess I'll never know.

So It's spring. Well, It's almost summer already. I was outside for my pet, Louard.

Louard is a troll and is doing well. When I went to see him he was munching on one of the elks that also roam the valley. Okay, maybe saying the valley is small is a bit of an understatement. It just feels small, you know.

I went out to give Louard a snack. Trolls are always hungry. It took me awhile to persuade him not to attack me but I succeeded. Now we are friends, sort of. I'm the master he is the servant.

I still need to properly train him. He knows a few tricks but won't always listen. I plan to train him this year! I just haven't started yet.

After I gave him a snack I played with Louard a bit. Yesterday was fun. Today wasn't exciting. I just cleaned here and there. The whole day really. Cleaning. It was a mess. The others don't clean a lot. Mom and Tilrilelion also clean sometimes but I'm the one that does it the most often.

I cleaned mostly the living area that's where most of the mess is anyway. Luckily no one dares to litter in the central room. You know, the room where the shrine is. I would hate to clean that room. The ceiling is very high.

Well this entry is a bit long. My hand is getting tired.


	2. Getting suspicious are we?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a month some things are finally starting to happen and Scatterbrain shares his thoughts and opinions. 
> 
> (...si eh tarb deliops a tahw)

**27 th Midyear 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

I had a weird dream last night. Well I suppose almost all my dreams are weird. I just don't dream very often.

Okay, so I was in a strangely decorated room. Chairs on the ceiling, while the table was stuck sideways to the wall. That is just impractical. Ah well. The room itself was filled with puppets and dolls. You know the creepy ones. They where whispering things…. I don't recall what they said but I know that they where talking about me. I believe they where rude things, I'm not sure. I didn't like the tone they said it. Makes me hate them.

There was this one doll though, that wasn't talking to me. It was sitting in the corner. And while all the other puppets where facing me, this one had its back turned. When I got closer it said something along the lines of: “It's your fault, isn't it?” and “I hate you”. I picked it up. It was an Argonian, a green one like myself. He was also dressed in a weird black armor(I believe he had a cape as well. He looked awesome). When I turned him to look at his face, he screamed.

Then I woke up. I was pretty startled but I managed to write the dream down on scrap paper. Mom told me to write down dreams if you think they're important. Or if you want a laugh later in life. She said childhood nightmares become funny later in life. I think that makes sense.

Anyway today I did some chores to calm myself. Something about that dream was ...unnatural. Not much happened otherwise.

 

**28 th Midyear 4E 186**

Dear Diary,

I went to see Louard but he wasn't there. Usually he's sleeping, that lazy prick, but he just wasn't there. The strange thing is when I looked around I didn't see any footprints leading into the rest of the valley And if he died his body would be somewhere around the valley. He's stuck just like me.

So I left the snack I brought him there. I was planning to teach him to let me ride on his back. Guess I need to do that another day. Maybe I need something like a flute to call him. That's a nice thought.

Also I'm a little irritated by Rusld. He has been looking for my diary for days now. He hasn't found my hiding place yet. I'm thinking of having multiple hiding places. I'm afraid what will happen if he found my diary.

I don't care if he reads it and I know he won't destroy it. I'm afraid he will hide it in his room. I don't want that. He is a hoarder. I dread….NO! I loath even the thought of looking through this room. Ugh.

 

**29 th Midyear 4E 186**

Dear diary,

So Dra'amha was freaking out today. Said that there where figures in the distance of the mountain range. Like real other people. I'm not sure if I believe him. He said something like this before and it just so happened to be an animal. He is probably mistaken. Still I'd love to meet other people. I want to hear from them what outside the vertex is like. My curiosity is going to get me killed one day, Haha.

I went out to look for Louard again and he still wasn't there. Not only that but the snack I gave him yesterday was left uneaten. Not even a nibble was gone. I mean a troll nibble, The other carnivores loved it so it would seem. Though mostly it is inhabited by insects now. I suppose they need food too, but still. Why so wasteful Louard?

Anyway Tilrilelion is looking into Dra'amha' “scary figures”. Using Alteration is handy for such things. I like Alteration, it focuses a lot more into changing the physical state of your surroundings rather than just destroying it like the school of Destruction. I don't like Destruction, did I mention that? Those who want to master Destruction are most of the time just brutes out to destroy or so I'm told. Of course the are exceptions like Jocyn and Rosayna. I may be biased because they're family, but I think there dynamic, or whatever they got going on, is really awesome. Jocyn is a cryomancer while Rosayna is a pyromancer. I think that's neat. They are twins yet they are the complete opposite of each other.

Nothing really happened other than that today.

 

**30 th Midyear 4E 186**

Okay, I went to check if Louard was back but mom is acting suspicious. I believe she noticed that I venture off into the valley alone. I don't think mom knows about Louard. And I have been visiting him quite often. This wouldn't have happened if that stubborn troll just stayed where he is supposed to stay. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I'll stay away from Louard for a while. I want to surprise mom with my troll taming skills.

Mother's birthday is coming up and I want to give her at least more than one present. So even one doesn't work out (I'm looking at you Louard) I'll still be able to give mom nice gifts. Mom and I always exchange gifts on each others birthdays. It's kinda become a contest of who can give the most amazing present.

Still need to think of other presents to give her but there's no need to worry she'll love everything I give her. She's like that. But what to give her? Maybe a whip? To keep the others in check. No, that isn't a good idea. There is a chance that she'll will use it on me. And besides that, I doubt she'll use it much or at all.

OH, I got it. A sculpture of a deadric creature. Yeah, that is perfect. I'll make it out of metal. Lazgat will help me, she is one of the few of us that can keep a secret. There is a lot of clay and stone around so making a mold won't be a problem, I think. It will take a while but it is a good distraction from that loaf of a troll.

Now what creature shall I make…

 

**1 th Sun's Height 4E 186**

I was a nice day out today, it would've been perfect if Dra'amha's paranoia wasn't getting worrisome. He said he saw those figures again but closer this time. He said they are coming right for us. It seems he is preparing to fight off the intruders. I don't really get it though. Just because the y're in our part of the mountains doesn't mean they are  out for blood, right? Maybe they're lost, I get lost sometimes. I did talk with our cat, but his opinion won't be swayed. Rosayna and Tilrilelion  seem to be on my side, but Tilri is also open to the idea of violent visitors. I believe it excites him. 

Rusld was in his room somewhere.  Ugh, still get gagging reflexes just thinking about that place.  Yes, it is  **that** bad.

Anyway,  Jocyn and Lazgat are agreeing with Dra.  They are preparing to fight too. And Mother decided to stay neutral. She said that she will organize a party, and that  the guests will decide what kind of party it will be. 

A welcome party or a murder party.  I asked what she meant by murder party. She said that it's just like a normal party. With dancing, singing and games. The difference is that the host will probably  kill and/or  eat the guests  in the end . That's what I understand from it. Sounds like fun! 

 

**2 th Sun's Height 4E 186**

The visitors arrived today. It was noon when I heard the news. Dra'amha came running down looking a bit scared, telling us that our guest were here. So we jumped up, stopped what we were doing and prepared. All in our own way.

I personally climbed up the wall, believe I freaked the visitors out a bit. Climbing is fun and useful. It's very good for eavesdropping. People tend not to look up. This thing I have with climbing is the whole reason mother calls me “Her little gecko”. I'm not little. I've heard I'm quite large for my age.

But back to the guests. Turns out the were pilgrims. At this time of year?! I know seems a tad random. Usually pilgrims come around 'Second of sun's dawn', You know, the Madgod's summoning day. And even then we rarely get visitors like this. I doubt a lot of people know about this shrine since we're pretty well hidden in the mountains, or so I've heard.

So in true Runs-up-River fashion, we had a party. And it turns out these pilgrims weren't your 'run of the mill' pilgrims, meaning madmen, but they were artists and musicians. Well there was one true madman among them. Probably the one who told the artists about Lord Sheogorath. The pilgrims said that they where looking for inspiration and since the Madgod is the lord of creativity they thought 'why not'. Why not you ask, Mr. pilgrim? I can think of a number of reasons you shouldn't bother Lord Sheogorath. I do wonder what will become of them. Perhaps he will turn them into fun shapes.

Will he talk to them? He never talks to me, you know. I try so hard too. Every time I place an offering, he takes the offering and greets me with silence.

I did tell mother about it. She had a few theories.

One option is that I'm forlorn. It's a religious term. It means that as a forlorn person you have trouble communicating with spirits and/or deities. That would mean he does speak to me but I can't hear it.

Or the other option is that I'm not forlorn but the Madgod just won't talk and maybe even ignores me.

I'm not sure what to think of either options. I doubt I'd be happy with either. But at least if I'm forlorn that means it's sort of my own fault, I think I can live with that. Even though that means I can never talk to any sort of spirit for as long as I live. Then It would be like worshiping Aedra, as long as I have my faith they will protect me (I hope). Now that I think about it, I do believe that this is the better of these two evils.

I don't think I can handle it if I were to know that my lord is ignoring me. That would feel like betrayal. I've done so many things for him. I've worshiped since I was little. Aren't I worthy of being spoken to? I should be, shouldn't I? Daedra recognize strength and cunning. I'm strong and smart! I am worthy!

…

But I don't know if he even is ignoring me, so no use getting angry. Oh well, it's time to go to bed anyway. I'll give an update on the visitors on the morrow.

 

**3 th Sun's Height 4E 186**

The pilgrims are pretty cool, I guess. Though I have noticed that at least one of them seems worried about something. I'm not talking about just normal paranoia either. I was eavesdropping on the pilgrim in question when he was speaking with Dra'amha. He asked Dra if there was someone else wandering the mountains besides them. He was asking it an inconspicuous manner, props to him I guess, but it was pretty clear what he was talking about. So Dra'amha is a little more paranoid now. Thanks for that by the way. We reached new paranoid heights.

That's suspicious, isn't it.

Anyway the party was fun. We started yesterday but since the pilgrims were exhausted from the trip, we went to bed early. So we had the real party today.

So after a bit of mingling with our guests, Lazgat and I worked on my presents for mother. She agreed to keep it a secret. I can always count on her! Lazgat wasn't at the party because she likes to be alone a lot. Which is okay. I know the feeling, wanting to be alone. I have it not as often as she does though. I don't know if I can handle total isolation. Laz told me she is just fed up with people. I can understand, people can be really stupid and stubborn sometimes.

I have decided to make a Clannfear statue for mom. I remember her saying she thought it looked cute. She has some weird tastes for sure. It's coming along nicely, the statue I mean. Mother's birthday is in two days, so I need to work quick. But I'm not worried with Lazgat helping me I'll be finished tomorrow morning. When I'm done tomorrow I'll look if Louard is back. I sure hope so. All those days I wasted to try and train him, It would all be for nothing.

Eventually Tilrilelion came in to call us for dinner. Laz and I quickly covered up what we were doing. Tilri is very bad at keeping secrets. He literally can't do it. Luckily he is also very gullible. He instantly believed me when I said that Lazgat was showing me some more techniques with smithing. Which isn't a complete lie. 

Dinner was as usual. Rosayna cooked today, I like her cooking. Eventually mother just went and invited the pilgrims to her birthday party. I don't want that. Birthdays are our thing, they don't have any business with that. I didn't say anything because it is her party. But I don't really want them to attend… What to do?


End file.
